Wicked games, first we play…

I told myself I would return to the place where I had seen him, to settle in my mind the questions, the conflict that was brewing both in my heart and mind. For some unknown reason, it has taken me a few nights longer than I had originally thought it would to work up the nerve. Nerve? I ask myself repeatedly why I would need such a thing with him. It was I, after all, that created him, brought him over into my world of Darkness and taught him, with grace and beauty, how to live again. I should not need nerve, but something has held me at bay, kept me occupying my evenings with mundane chores I have convinced myself are much too “important” to ignore. *laughs quietly* I am such a fool. It is because I love him. And love can be the most sinister of riddlers at the most inopportune times. Pathetic love. It makes us weak. It drives us to irrationality, to insanity. It makes us afraid and mute. At times I hate love.

But I can’t deny its existence…or its hold over me.

As soon as the sun disappeared, I made my way back through the dark streets to the warm glow of the avenue where I had seen him upon the loft balcony far above. I scaled the wall of two-story commercial building across the street to the roof and there I stood at the edge and waited. The unit I had sensed him was still another two stories above. I waited in silence, pulling my coat tight about my body as the chill November winds accosted me so high above the earth. For a while I thought perhaps I had been mistaken for I no longer sensed him within the building, but then, there it was, that familiar flicker of heartbeat that echoed my own pulse, my own blood. My breath caught in my throat. Was he aware of me as I was of him?

My curiosity overwhelmed me; I could stay put no longer upon the roof ledge. With an effortless, feline leap I crossed the street, flying upwards to the balcony. Landing soundlessly upon the narrow slab of pale concrete and steel railing, I felt him tense within the apartment beyond. I could hear the blood rushing in his ears, feel the fine hairs on the back of his neck bristle in caution and wonder. The scent of him was strong now that only a matter of feet separated us; I found myself walking to the sliding doors and pressing against it, placing my palms against the icy, spotless glass. My breath created a small circle of fog upon the pane before me as I watched and waited for him to find me.

He rounded the corner and entered the living area. Shirtless and barefoot, he was dressed in black jeans belted at the waist with a black leather belt over his narrow hips. His immortal white skin was paler by far in contrast to dark of the fabric and the pitch of his hair that fell just over his shoulders and the large Japanese coi tattoo on his right shoulder. He paused for a moment in the middle of the room, his expression unreadable. Slowly he approached the door, pressing against it just as I did, placing his palms over mine. His pale blue eyes stared at me, unblinking for a long moment in silence, searching, questioning.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” I whispered through the glass.

He seemed startled out of his trance at the sound of my voice and at once stood back, unlocking the door and sliding it open for me.

“Thank you.” I said quietly as I passed.

The loft was spartanly furnished in a cool modern style. Sleek, uncomfortable looking sofa and single Scandinavian white arm chair in front of a brown tiled unlit fireplace. I gazed around at the strange ocher colored walls and high ceilings with exposed silver metal air ducts that ran the length of one side from front to back. The neominimalism of the modern day had never appealed to me as it left me feeling even more cold and alone than I already was. I preferred to surround myself with lush fabrics and worn memories of my life, both mortal and immortal, the smell of old books and incense, the feel of love and loss, life and death. To live in such an austere setting; one might as well simply place me in a simple pine box and be done with it.

“Were you planning on telling me you were here? Not that you are required to check in with me or anything.” I said quietly as I strolled around the room.

“Yes.” He whispered, but did not elaborate. “I…I just…”

I turned slowly and stared at him from across the room. “Yes?”

His eyes darted from mine to the door behind me, down the short hallway.

“Expecting company?” I asked and walked towards him till I stood only a couple of feet away.

“Now is just…not a good time.” He said quietly, his eyes falling to the floor.

Fire speared my heart. “I see.” I could see my reflection in the glass behind him, my face maintaining a cool emotionless to disguise my sudden flood of pain. “Well, then. I shall leave you.” I began to walk towards the balcony to let myself out.

As I passed he grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him. He stared down at me, a good head taller than I, “I will find you soon. I promise. I have much to tell you.” He tried to force a smile, but the tension that held him captive made his lips tremble at the corners.

I nodded and silently left…

Now, as I write this I feel overcome with regret. I should not have been so impatient; I should have waited for him to find me. Then again, this has never been my way. One would think that after 400 years I would have learned patience, but no. My heart has always won over the rationale of my mind where passion is concerned. Yet, now he is all I can think of, all I want to think of. I will have to find a way to distract myself until he wanders my way, if he wanders my way… Ah, distractions…

I need to hunt…

~ by vampirefaust on November 22, 2007.