these last rays…

This evening I awoke as the last rays of sunlight were fading from the sky.   I pulled back the heavy curtains over my bedroom windows and lay down upon the bed I still keep. Through the  mini-blinds that have hung undisturbed for years, their plastic slats yellowing and coated with layers of undisturbed graying dust, the dying light still seeped in a sad and shallow way.  I lay for a long time watching the light fade, the shadows creeping in around the far edges of the room to slither over me, held at bay by the harsh orange glow of the street lamp that soon flicked on as the sky grew black.  I found myself holding my breath to fight back tears.  There is never enough time to savor those escaping rays, never enough time to treasure what we desire most. Even when time is eternal, unending.  In between those lines of light and dark we exist, mortal and immortal alike.  Alone. Unquenched.  Desiring to be desired.  Longing to feel the light upon our limbs, infused with the passion of life.  I cringe inside to think of the young life I will take tonight, knowing that they are seeing in me what they desire most, knowing I cannot give them anything more than a swift release from their pain and mortal coil.  They are all so beautiful, so fractured, so sweet with their exquisite eternal self incrimination and damnation like a Modigliani painting with hollow eyes and sad soft oils blending with their lamentations.  I can surround myself with them, yet never will I be a part of them. Never…

~ by vampirefaust on November 12, 2007.